Round Four: Ovaries 2, Larsen's 1

Well...what started out as an exciting month has rapidly turned into another mountain to climb. Not to be a downer, but I'm really sick of hiking. 

My last ultrasound everything was looking great. I've had positive ovulation tests all week long. I am now six days late, but I'm not pregnant. Nor did my blood work indicate that I actually ovulated at all.  So Joshua and I continue to be perplexed and wonder why in the world my ovaries continue to be so stubborn. 

I'm trying to just remember that there is something to learn from all of this. I don't know what that is, but I obviously haven't learned it yet. There's a part of me that is wanting to give up, but there is also a part of me that knows that I can't. We will try this for one more month. I don't know what we will do after that. I hope that we won't have to do anything after that. I can't lie and say that I'm not upset...that doesn't even describe how I feel. I just pray that I can learn to be accepting of my challenges, rather than feel hindered by them. 

I ask for all the prayers any of you can spare. 

Round Three: It's a tie!

Just an update for any of you who would like to know. On Monday I had another ultrasound to see if I am responding to the Letrozole. I think I mentioned in my last post that my Doctor had upped my dosage and had me take it for ten days instead of five. So I went in, honestly not really expecting anything. I've become accustomed to failure in this area. I decided not to let myself get too hopeful, that way I wouldn't go crazy when it didn't work.

As we went through the ultrasound, my Doctor double checked all my measurements and counted all my follicles. All was looking like business as usual. She then moved over to my left ovary and BOOM! There was a massive dominant follicle! I am no expert, but I've seen my ovaries enough that I know what they look like. I immediately started to tear up. This will be the first time that I've ovulated since baby Larsen.

Joshua and I prayed very hard about what medication we should take, and we really felt that the Letrozole would be the one. I am so grateful for Heavenly Father's guidance in all of this. He has helped us to know what path to choose. I don't know that we will conceive this month (being honest I don't think we will), but that's okay. I am just glad the the Lord has blessed us that my body is doing what it is suppose to be.

Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts. We have felt them and they lift us up.

Round Two: Ovaries 1, Larsens 0

This morning I went to my see my Endocrinologist to have an ultrasound. We had upped my dose of letrozole and were checking to see if I was responding to it. So basically what they look for is to see if the follicles in my ovaries have increased in size, which will indicate that the medication is working. The ultrasound machine allows them to be able to take measurements  of my uterus, my ovaries and the follicles. It's fascinating to watch and be able to see what is going on inside your body. My doctor counted 30 follicles on each ovary, which is great!

There was good news and bad news. I am not responding to the medication, which is really disappointing for me because I felt so strongly that this was the one I needed to take. I prayed long and hard to know which medication would yield the best results and what would be best for my body. The good news is there are options. My ovaries have decided to be stubborn, so what we will do is take a higher dose of letrozole (three a day for ten days) and see if that will be enough to stimulate them. My doctor is so positive. I always leave her office feeling like I can do it.

Admittedly I am feeling down. Infertility is something that is so alienating. Even though others are as supportive as they can be, you just feel that you don't belong. You feel extremely inadequate next to other women. There are so many emotions that you feel every day and every month that you can't explain to others.

I have thought about the Atonement this week. What does it do for me. I can see my spirit walking up to the Savior in the garden and telling him everything that was ever going to happen to me. I can't fathom how He could understand what I feel, or how He could possibly have felt all the physical ailments that I do and will experience. I know though that somehow He did and He does. I was able to attend the temple and feel a confirmation of peace. I know that there will be ups and downs, that there will be days that I struggle, but I also know that one day, because of Christ's sacrifice, I will be able to do all that I wish I could do here. I will be able to have a healthy body. I will have children. I will be alright.

Treatment Update: Round One of Letrozole

Just a quick update for all of you. I started taking letrozole and waiting patiently to see if I ovulated. Okay, so maybe I wasn't very patient about it, but who can blame me? Fathers day was coming and I couldn't help but think about what a great Fathers Day gift that would be to my Hubby. He's been such a rock while I ride my wild roller coaster.

We went to St. George while I was supposed to be ovulating. The first morning I took a test and it was positive I was ecstatic! This is the first time I've ovulated since Baby Larsen, so it was a big deal for Joshua and I.  I continued to take them for the next few days and they were all positive. Then all of a sudden my period started and confusion set in. My doctor had told me that there was a chance that home ovulation tests may not work for me.

When we came home from St. George we went to the hospital to have my blood drawn. My doctor wanted to check my progesterone levels to see if I had actually ovulated or not. I just got the results this morning and they indicate that I didn't. So the new plan is to up my dosage of letrozole and then go in for an ultrasound to see if I'm even responding to it.

Even though things didn't go as planned this time around, I still feel confident that things will work. All your prayers are appreciated and felt.