and life has finally slowed down just a little.
So, today I'm feeling quite hopeful. It's been awhile since I've felt this way. I try not to allow myself to feel too hopeful in order keep myself intact. Its quite easy for me to lose my crap when I get too hopeful. There have been some great improvements. This last cycle...I OVULATED! ON MY OWN! This is such an achievement for me. I have been going in for blood tests to check my progesterone levels since home tests lie to me all the time. My first test I was expecting it to be like the others. Every month its been,"Nope, your ovaries hate you. Try not to tick them off next month." This time was different. I don't know why it was different, but my levels indicate that I did ovulate. My doctor had me go in for another test just to make sure that it wasn't a fluke and guess what? My levels increased! While they are not as high as they should be, it is progress and we will take it. My doctor wants to start me on an HCG shot along with the Letrozole I've been taking. This should help my progesterone levels increase to where they need to be. I am not excited about this. I have to inject them myself, or rather Joshua will be injecting them since I don't think I will be brave enough.
I find I am allowing myself to get excited to see what the next few months brings. We now have an extra room that is completely empty, and I can't help but think about what it will be like to fill it with baby things. I have saved so many nursery plans from Pinterest its not even funny. I don't know that this is a good thing for me to get so worked up. In the back of my mind I have this nagging voice that tells me to protect myself so I don't go crazy, but I also feel that things are beginning to change.
I think about how it must've felt for the Savior. He knew He had to endure all of this pain. He was mocked by His people, betrayed my His friend, suffered for our sins, whipped and beaten, publicly humiliated and crucified. There had to have been times when He felt despair. I'm sure that there were times when the only thing that He could do to keep Himself going was to know that He would return to His Father. He focused on the light at the end of the long, dark tunnel. While we all have our struggles and some of our tunnels are darker than others or longer than others, we can all focus on that light. It's okay to sit down and take a break if you become weary, but we should always keep our eyes on the light in the distance.
