Hi everyone! First I just want to thank all of you for your love and support. Joshua and I are so glad to have such good friends and family.
I want to take a moment to explain a little bit about how Foster Care works. Many of you have asked us questions. We love questions. Some of you may already know how the Foster Care system works and some of you don't. We didn't know a lot about it when we first started. Utah Foster Care has been a fantastic resource for us. Below I will list a question that we've received and our response to it.
Q: Are you going to adopt?
A: While we hope that we will be able to adopt, the reality is that most of the children who come into Foster Care will return to their families. Statistically speaking three out of every four kids who come to our home will not stay with us. Even if they can't go home with their parents, the court will try and find other family members that are willing to take them before they even look at us. So we are plan C, but the goal of everyone is permanency for the kids. Even if we do get the chance to adopt, state law requires that they be in our care for six months before this can even become an option.
Q: How long will they be with you?
A: The average case lasts about a year, but they can last longer or be shorter depending on the case, the judge, the progress of the parents and a myriad of other factors.
Q: Can you decide what age of kids you want?
A: Yes we can. We are going to be taking in kids that are infants and up to ten years old.
Q: Will you get a baby?
A: Possibly. There are not a lot of newborns that come into Foster Care. If they do they usually have older siblings. Because of this we have decided that we will be taking in up to three kids. This ups our chances of having an infant placed with us and we get to have lots of kids! Can you imagine?! No kids to three?! That would be awesome!
Q: Don't you get paid?
A: We don't get paid, we get reimbursed. I know that a lot of you have heard the story of the family who had all these kids and made all their money from Foster Care. The truth is that the system is much more complex than that (at least in Utah). We must account for all the funds that the children receive and spend a certain amount on them in specified areas, such as clothing. We don't think of it as our money. Its the kids money. Also they will be looking at our finances to make sure that we can actually support the kids, and we cannot be on any government support programs.
Q: Won't it be hard when the kids go back?
A: Yes, of course, but that is not our decision to make. I know that we will have to cross that bridge when it comes, but I try to think of what a great thing it will be for these families to be reunited permanently and to be better off than they were before hopefully.
Q: Will you have contact with their parents?
A: Yes, but it will limited depending on the case. Obviously many of the parents of these kids have serious problems. The children's safety and our families safety is most important. We will be a part of team meetings that the parents are also involved in, visitations and any other contact that the kids may have. We hope that we will be able to include these families in our own as long as the court permits and it is safe for us and the kids.
Q: If/When you do adopt, will you still allow the kids to see their families?
A: As long as it is safe for everyone and healthy for the kids, yes.
Q: What will you know about the kids?
A: We will know everything that the caseworkers know. We'll know why they came into care, details of any abuse or neglect and about behavioral problems that they have because of these things. However, we won't be able to tell anyone about it due to confidentiality agreements.
Q: Are you scared?
A: Hahaha! Oh yes! We are terrified! But we are so excited to have little people around. Joshua has been practicing his "Dad jokes", and I stop by the kids room every day and imagine it filled with toys and books and messy as can be. I see kid stuff at the store and have a hard time not buying it because I can justify that it will get used. WE CAN'T WAIT TO BE PARENTS!!!!!
Monday, June 13, 2016
Thursday, June 2, 2016
Fostering Love and Hoping to Adopt
Joshua and I are so excited to become Foster Parents. We want to thank everyone for the love and support you have shown us. This is not an easy process, and while we are half way through it, we still have a long way to go.
Many of you have asked us how we came to this decision. It was not an easy thing. Those of you who have been following our story know that we have been trying to start our family for nearly four years. Many tests, one miscarriage and I can't tell you how many tears later, we had one last visit with my Doctor. As far as having biological children, IVF is the last option. Every treatment or medication we have tried we have prayed about and counseled to make sure it was the best option for us. This time was different though. Before our consult with the Doctor we prayed and fasted and prayed...but we weren't feeling good about IVF. The idea made me terribly anxious. It is an invasive and long procedure, and to make matters worse there still is the part where it might not even work.
I was feeling very forgotten by the Lord. I couldn't understand why he wasn't letting me know what to do. We met with my Doctor and she told us that we had a very good chance of conceiving with IVF. Now, weeks before this we had started looking into adopting. Those of you who know anything about it know that it is an extremely expensive endeavor. We couldn't fathom how we would be able to do that. While searching this out, I came across the option to adopt through Foster Care. We looked into it and studied anything we could find. This frightened us too, because as Foster Parents, we are ultimately helping the children to return with their families. But we did feel strongly that this was a good thing, and that we should consider it.
I was able to go to the temple one day after work, so I took that opportunity to find out what we needed to do. I had all the options and information that I needed, but I was done playing the waiting and guessing game. I wanted our efforts to go toward what would be most fruitful and grow our family. As I sat in the temple, I gave God an ultimatum. "Lord, tell me what to do, or I'm not doing anything. Joshua and I can't make this decision. I need you to make it for us." This probably wasn't the best idea to speak to God this way, but it worked. I suddenly felt a calm come over my heart and a voice say to me, "If you don't pursue this, you will miss someone. Do you want to answer for that when you meet Me? What excuse will you give me? "I was scared"isn''t going to work."That was it. I went home and when Joshua got home I sat him down and told him what happened. He agreed that we needed to do it. The next day I called to speak with one of the recruiters for Utah Foster Care. She was able to meet with us that week and answer all the other questions we had. We got all of the information we needed to get started.
A few weeks later we began our classes. This was the longest month of our lives. We learned about how trauma affects a child's brain, the different things that bring children into custody, what our role is, how to do our paperwork (which there is a lot of) and so many other things. Our trainer was amazing and we left the class feeling so empowered and ready to parent these kids with love and kindness.
Now, the timeline is unsure. We are still waiting on some things to get finalized, a background check and our home study, but we are hoping that we can have placements by August or September. We know that there will be a lot of questions that you all have and we welcome any of them. We have truly come to appreciate how needed Foster Families are and the good that can come from them as we allow other families to heal. We are so excited to have little ones in our home. Thank you all again for your kindness and support as we begin this journey. I will update the blog when we have news or anything happens.
Many of you have asked us how we came to this decision. It was not an easy thing. Those of you who have been following our story know that we have been trying to start our family for nearly four years. Many tests, one miscarriage and I can't tell you how many tears later, we had one last visit with my Doctor. As far as having biological children, IVF is the last option. Every treatment or medication we have tried we have prayed about and counseled to make sure it was the best option for us. This time was different though. Before our consult with the Doctor we prayed and fasted and prayed...but we weren't feeling good about IVF. The idea made me terribly anxious. It is an invasive and long procedure, and to make matters worse there still is the part where it might not even work.
I was feeling very forgotten by the Lord. I couldn't understand why he wasn't letting me know what to do. We met with my Doctor and she told us that we had a very good chance of conceiving with IVF. Now, weeks before this we had started looking into adopting. Those of you who know anything about it know that it is an extremely expensive endeavor. We couldn't fathom how we would be able to do that. While searching this out, I came across the option to adopt through Foster Care. We looked into it and studied anything we could find. This frightened us too, because as Foster Parents, we are ultimately helping the children to return with their families. But we did feel strongly that this was a good thing, and that we should consider it.
I was able to go to the temple one day after work, so I took that opportunity to find out what we needed to do. I had all the options and information that I needed, but I was done playing the waiting and guessing game. I wanted our efforts to go toward what would be most fruitful and grow our family. As I sat in the temple, I gave God an ultimatum. "Lord, tell me what to do, or I'm not doing anything. Joshua and I can't make this decision. I need you to make it for us." This probably wasn't the best idea to speak to God this way, but it worked. I suddenly felt a calm come over my heart and a voice say to me, "If you don't pursue this, you will miss someone. Do you want to answer for that when you meet Me? What excuse will you give me? "I was scared"isn''t going to work."That was it. I went home and when Joshua got home I sat him down and told him what happened. He agreed that we needed to do it. The next day I called to speak with one of the recruiters for Utah Foster Care. She was able to meet with us that week and answer all the other questions we had. We got all of the information we needed to get started.
Now, the timeline is unsure. We are still waiting on some things to get finalized, a background check and our home study, but we are hoping that we can have placements by August or September. We know that there will be a lot of questions that you all have and we welcome any of them. We have truly come to appreciate how needed Foster Families are and the good that can come from them as we allow other families to heal. We are so excited to have little ones in our home. Thank you all again for your kindness and support as we begin this journey. I will update the blog when we have news or anything happens.
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