9 Things Not To Say To TTC Women

So this is a little bit of a rant, but hopefully this will be educational for everyone. I'm sure that I've mentioned before that sometimes people say stupid things when you tell them that you're dealing with Infertility. Now, I'm sure that most of these come from a good place, but just as there are things you never say to pregnant women, there are things you should never say to women who are trying to conceive.

1) "You're not pregnant yet?!"

Yes, this was said by someone who is perfectly aware of our situation. I don't think this one really needs any explanation. I classify it under Word Vomit. A more appropriate way to ask about it is saying something like, "How are your treatments going?" or "How was your last doctors appointment?"

2) "I understand. It took us month to get pregnant."

Really? Again, I don't really think that this needs explanation. Instead just say, "I'm sorry that this is so hard for you."

3) "Why don't you just adopt."

Huh...again, Word Vomit category. Adoption is just as, if not possibly more expensive that fertility treatments. It's not like going to the pet store and picking out a puppy. You could try something like, "What other options have you looked into?" or "What other options are there for you?"

4) "Just don't stress about it."

Yes, studies have shown that high stress levels can affect your fertility, but has someone telling you not to stress ever made you not stress? There is so much stress involved in Fertility Treatments that it is nigh unto impossible not to stress about it.

5) "Have you tried such-n-such position?"

Seriously? No... just no.

6) "You'll understand when you have kids of your own."

This is just...demeaning. This statement makes it sound like I have no maternal instincts. Do I know everything about raising children? No. I can see that it is demanding, exhausting and some days you just want to rip your hair out. I also see that it is rewarding in so many ways that I can't even name them.

7) "Does anyone want to take my kid?" or "You can have my kids!"

This is probably the most frustrating thing that people say. Firstly, no, I don't want your kid. I want desperately to have my own. While this statement is innocent enough to you, what women fighting Infertility hear is that you are ungrateful for your children. We hear that you are wishing them away. This is aggravating because we would give anything to be in your position. It's okay if you're having a rough day, but say something like, "I need a break from my kids for a bit."

8) "Oh, you're young! It will happen."

Yes, I am young. Does that mean that this will get easier as I get older? No. If anything it will get more difficult for me to conceive as I get older. People act like when you're young you have all the time in the world to have a baby. The problem with Infertility is that it takes time. It's all about experimentation. We wait to see if a particular treatment will work. We take time to go to the doctor and have invasive procedures done. Time, time, time.

9) "Trying is the fun part!"

To that I will refer you to the picture above.

Sometimes it is hard to relate to the challenges that others have, but we should always strive to be sensitive and kind. Sorry for the angry rant! I just had to get this off my chest.