This month has been a little bit of a roller coaster. Not only are finals coming up, but Joshua and I took a leap of faith this month. We decided that I should stop taking my Progesterone. My Doctor had advised us that this was the next step. We needed to see if my body would kick start itself. So I didn't take my Progesterone...and waited...and waited. The whole time we waited I prayed that my body would do something. I didn't care if I was pregnant or not, I just wanted my body to do something...anything! Well...four pregnancy tests later and still no visit from Aunt Flow we are back to the drawing board.
While I'm a little frustrated, I had a thought today about what I prayed throughout this month. I didn't just pray that this little science experiment would go well, I also prayed fervently that I would be able to understand God's plan in all of this. Today Joshua and I were able to have a conversation about this. We came to the conclusion that the Lord must love us immensely. We have been given a great privilege. We have a great opportunity to humble ourselves and become submissive to His will.
Sometimes we wonder why the Lord doesn't give us the righteous desires of our hearts. We often feel cheated in some way that we asked and didn't receive. What we sometimes forget is that God is literally our Father. He knows better than we do. Like our earthly parents, even though He may want to give us everything we ask for, He knows that we won't learn anything from that. If we got everything we asked for, we wouldn't learn to appreciate what we have. God isn't punishing us, playing favorites or simply ignoring us. He is simply giving us the opportunity to stretch and grow.
As difficult as this challenge has been, I am grateful that my Heavenly Father loves me enough to allow me to gain some new perspective and grow. I will be starting some new medications after my next cycle. Hopefully this will be a good change. It will be interesting to see how I adjust to the change.
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