Reflections and Moving Forward

Today is New Years Eve. The last year is gone. We can't get it back. We can't do it again. As I've been reflecting on this last year, I've shed a lot of tears, but mostly I see how hope has taken over my life. This week in particular has been difficult for me. This would have marked me at 15 weeks along in my pregnancy. My baby would've been able to suck on it's thumb. It would've been about the size of a lemon. As I've tried to make sense of what happened and come to terms with it, I've come to a huge realization of God's love for me. There have been some extremely hard challenges this last year, but Heavenly Father didn't make those things happen. He doesn't willfully cause those things that for His own purposes He allows. Why did I lose a baby after we had tried for so long? I don't know. Was it God's fault? No. My body simply did exactly what it was designed to do. Is it God's fault that I have this disorder that is so trying and obnoxious to deal with? No. Has He allowed to be so? Yes He has. Why? For me.
Why did any of the hard things happen to some of the greatest people to ever walk this earth? Bad things happened to prophets, to apostles...bad things happened to the Savior himself. What was the point? I have found the answer people. Every challenge that we have ever faced, whether by design or our own choices or just the universe deciding it didn't like us that day, happened because we needed to learn something about ourselves. Bailey needed to learn something about Bailey. Joshua needed to learn something about Joshua. We as a couple needed to learn something as a couple by being brought low and turning to the only place that we could even think to turn. How else would I have come to understand the depths of our Heavenly Father's love for me, for my husband and for all of His children?
As we come into 2015, let us reflect on the growth of this last year. Reflect, but look forward with hope for what lies ahead. Hope that this is the year our boats sale in, the year we accomplish all that we are capable of, the year that will again change us for the better. I hope that this is the year that we are able to begin our family. However, whatever the outcome, whatever storm may rage against us, whatever calamity may fall, whatever joy, sorrow, pain or peace I hope that we can kneel before our God with pure hearts and give Him thanks for his mercy and love. I am so grateful for all that we have experienced this last year, the good and bad. I hope that you all enjoy your New Years Eve, and have a very happy New Year! May the Lord bless you all in everything that you need.