Children: They are so worth it!

I hope everyone had a fantastic Christmas! We sure did! 

 I don't intend to offend anyone, but this is something I need to get off my chest. This morning I received a text from my sweet husband. Apparently he got to listen to someone complain about their twins. He was told by this person that they wouldn't wish twins on anyone. Now perhaps this individual was having one of those difficult parenting days that everyone has. Maybe they were just mad. No matter the reason, to my husband who wants nothing more than to be a father and would be deliriously happy if we were to have twins, this was nothing more than a complaint about parenthood. Joshua is not someone to talk about his feelings on this particular subject, but he did express to me that this was hurtful. 

Now, I'm sure that had this person known about our circumstances that they never would have said something like this to Joshua. 

While this was a totally innocent incident, this isn't the first time that someone has complained to us about their choice to be a parent. We can't fully understand the challenges that others face as parents. We haven't experienced them yet. We have seen the time, energy and sacrifice that you all make for your children. We see the countless sleepless nights, the crazy days and constant teaching that you do. We so admire you, and hope that we will have the opportunity to grow in the ways that you have.

That being said, don't let all of the hard times make you forget how precious your children are. Can you imagine your life without them? Do you even really remember what life was like before them? Don't complain about the opportunity you have to serve and love another. Of course their will be times when you have frustrations that need venting, but there is a difference between venting and complaining. You should be grateful for what you have. There are some who pray daily that they will have the blessings that you have been given. If Joshua and I could take the children that have been complained about or wished away, we would've been parents a dozen times over. Please remember the value of your children. You have no idea how precious they are. Ask anyone who has been unable to have children, or who have lost children and they will tell you. 

Please try and be more aware of what you say about your kids. Trust me, there is someone around you who would gladly trade places with you. They are not a burden or a hinderance, and they are so worth it. 

Update!!

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving! Ours was fantastic! Full of family, laughter and fun.

It's taken me awhile to update you all on what is going on...mostly because I'm not sure how I feel about it. My Doctor and I were able to have a good conversation about what our next step should be. She is just as confused as we are. It is looking as though I didn't ovulate at all. I am frustrated by this, but also glad to know so that we can decide what to do. My treatments have not gone how either my Doctor or I thought that they would. There are plenty of cases of women with PCOS who are able to conceive with the help of a Doctor...then there are cases like mine. We are reaching the end of the oral treatments. We can try one more combination of Letrozole, Chlomid and the HCG shot. After that we will need to move on to injectable treatments.

After talking about what to do, and praying for guidance, we've decided to stop trying until after the New Year. This has been a hard decision to come to, but we feel like my body could use a break from all the hormones and medication. We would really like to thank all of our family and friends for your support. It means the world to know that there are so many of you cheering for us. We feel your love and your prayers.

We hope you all have a very merry Christmas, a happy New Year, and may God bless you all.

UPDATE!!! There is power in His name!

This cycle has been a roller coaster! For those of you who didn't read my last update, this past cycle our Doctor suggested that we try using an HCG trigger shot to force ovulation (which really means IUI, but they didn't inseminate me). I was finally able to ovulate on my own last cycle, but my levels weren't quite as high as our Doctor wanted them, and it was difficult to tell when exactly I ovulated. Home ovulation kits don't work for me so there was really no way to tell for sure. By using the HCG we would know exactly when I ovulated which would help us time things better.

Joshua and I try really hard not to get our hopes up too high, but we couldn't really help ourselves. We saw no reason why this shouldn't work. Everything was looking good and seemed like we may finally be able to get pregnant again. I went in for my monthly ultrasound to see if I had a dominate follicle, which I did. I got my prescription for the HCG (it looks like an insulin shot) and went about my day freaking out about having to give myself this shot. Later that evening when I got home, I relayed the information to Joshua about what to expect and how this would work and prepared to take the shot. I was so afraid. I am okay with needles if I don't have to look at them, but I couldn't really not look at it. After a lot of pacing around and both of us laughing at how ridiculous I was acting, Joshua stuck me with the needle. It didn't hurt at all. Now we had the dreaded two week wait. 

Fast forward three weeks...

Negative test after negative test. Lightheaded and nauseous everyday and unsure as to whether it was a side effect of the HCG or because I really was pregnant. I began to lose hope that this was going to work. Finally Joshua and I decided that we just had to know for sure. By this time I had missed my period and should've been able to get a positive. So I went to the lab and had them do a blood draw. The day seemed to drag on forever. I kept praying that all my negative feelings would be proven wrong. The lab confirmed that we hadn't conceived this month. Joshua just held me as I cried. My thoughts went to our Angel Baby. One year ago we had lost this baby. For the next few days I went from angry to sad back to angry. I was angry that this hadn't worked, sad over our lost baby, angry that I allowed myself to think about how we would tell our parents, and so many other dashed hopes that Joshua and I had had. 

I've since been waiting for my new cycle to start and it hasn't. My doctor a few days after my test let me know that she wanted me to make an appointment for an ultrasound to make sure that my dominate follicle hasn't turned into a cyst. I wasn't able to get in until the 9th. Now I go around during the day hoping that I don't have a massive cyst rupture. 

Joshua and I have talked about taking a break from all the treatments. We haven't quite decided what to do yet, but we know that as we keep praying and asking the Lord for guidance that He will direct us. I don't know what His plan is or what He wants us to learn from this challenge, but I keep thinking of a scripture from 1st Nephi. Nephi says "I know that He loveth His children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning all things." Like Nephi, I don't know the meaning behind our trials. I don't know why some of us struggle to obtain the righteous desires of our hearts, or even why God grants us such righteous desires and then holds back from us. I do know that God loves His children and I know that through Jesus Christ I can find peace. There is a song that I heard on the radio that has just been speaking to me lately. The chorus of this song simply states "there is power in the name of Jesus." Listening to these words over and over again, I have felt the spirit testify to me of its truth. I pray that through this, Joshua and I can become the people and servants that God needs us to be, and recognize the healing power of the atonement. We appreciate all of your thoughts, prayers and love. 

The Light in the Distance

Hello Everyone! I hope you are all doing well! I'm sorry it's been so long since I've posted anything. Life has been busy. Joshua and I just bought our first home in Saratoga Springs,
and life has finally slowed down just a little.

So, today I'm feeling quite hopeful. It's been awhile since I've felt this way. I try not to allow myself to feel too hopeful in order keep myself intact. Its quite easy for me to lose my crap when I get too hopeful. There have been some great improvements. This last cycle...I OVULATED! ON MY OWN! This is such an achievement for me. I have been going in for blood tests to check my progesterone levels since home tests lie to me all the time. My first test I was expecting it to be like the others. Every month its been,"Nope, your ovaries hate you. Try not to tick them off next month." This time was different. I don't know why it was different, but my levels indicate that I did ovulate. My doctor had me go in for another test just to make sure that it wasn't a fluke and guess what? My levels increased! While they are not as high as they should be, it is progress and we will take it. My doctor wants to start me on an HCG shot along with the Letrozole I've been taking. This should help my progesterone levels increase to where they need to be. I am not excited about this. I have to inject them myself, or rather Joshua will be injecting them since I don't think I will be brave enough.

I find I am allowing myself to get excited to see what the next few months brings. We now have an extra room that is completely empty, and I can't help but think about what it will be like to fill it with baby things. I have saved so many nursery plans from Pinterest its not even funny. I don't know that this is a good thing for me to get so worked up. In the back of my mind I have this nagging voice that tells me to protect myself so I don't go crazy, but I also feel that things are beginning to change.

I think about how it must've felt for the Savior. He knew He had to endure all of this pain. He was mocked by His people, betrayed my His friend, suffered for our sins, whipped and beaten, publicly humiliated and crucified. There had to have been times when He felt despair. I'm sure that there were times when the only thing that He could do to keep Himself going was to know that He would return to His Father. He focused on the light at the end of the long, dark tunnel. While we all have our struggles and some of our tunnels are darker than others or longer than others, we can all focus on that light. It's okay to sit down and take a break if you become weary, but we should always keep our eyes on the light in the distance.

Round Four: Ovaries 2, Larsen's 1

Well...what started out as an exciting month has rapidly turned into another mountain to climb. Not to be a downer, but I'm really sick of hiking. 

My last ultrasound everything was looking great. I've had positive ovulation tests all week long. I am now six days late, but I'm not pregnant. Nor did my blood work indicate that I actually ovulated at all.  So Joshua and I continue to be perplexed and wonder why in the world my ovaries continue to be so stubborn. 

I'm trying to just remember that there is something to learn from all of this. I don't know what that is, but I obviously haven't learned it yet. There's a part of me that is wanting to give up, but there is also a part of me that knows that I can't. We will try this for one more month. I don't know what we will do after that. I hope that we won't have to do anything after that. I can't lie and say that I'm not upset...that doesn't even describe how I feel. I just pray that I can learn to be accepting of my challenges, rather than feel hindered by them. 

I ask for all the prayers any of you can spare. 

Round Three: It's a tie!

Just an update for any of you who would like to know. On Monday I had another ultrasound to see if I am responding to the Letrozole. I think I mentioned in my last post that my Doctor had upped my dosage and had me take it for ten days instead of five. So I went in, honestly not really expecting anything. I've become accustomed to failure in this area. I decided not to let myself get too hopeful, that way I wouldn't go crazy when it didn't work.

As we went through the ultrasound, my Doctor double checked all my measurements and counted all my follicles. All was looking like business as usual. She then moved over to my left ovary and BOOM! There was a massive dominant follicle! I am no expert, but I've seen my ovaries enough that I know what they look like. I immediately started to tear up. This will be the first time that I've ovulated since baby Larsen.

Joshua and I prayed very hard about what medication we should take, and we really felt that the Letrozole would be the one. I am so grateful for Heavenly Father's guidance in all of this. He has helped us to know what path to choose. I don't know that we will conceive this month (being honest I don't think we will), but that's okay. I am just glad the the Lord has blessed us that my body is doing what it is suppose to be.

Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts. We have felt them and they lift us up.

Round Two: Ovaries 1, Larsens 0

This morning I went to my see my Endocrinologist to have an ultrasound. We had upped my dose of letrozole and were checking to see if I was responding to it. So basically what they look for is to see if the follicles in my ovaries have increased in size, which will indicate that the medication is working. The ultrasound machine allows them to be able to take measurements  of my uterus, my ovaries and the follicles. It's fascinating to watch and be able to see what is going on inside your body. My doctor counted 30 follicles on each ovary, which is great!

There was good news and bad news. I am not responding to the medication, which is really disappointing for me because I felt so strongly that this was the one I needed to take. I prayed long and hard to know which medication would yield the best results and what would be best for my body. The good news is there are options. My ovaries have decided to be stubborn, so what we will do is take a higher dose of letrozole (three a day for ten days) and see if that will be enough to stimulate them. My doctor is so positive. I always leave her office feeling like I can do it.

Admittedly I am feeling down. Infertility is something that is so alienating. Even though others are as supportive as they can be, you just feel that you don't belong. You feel extremely inadequate next to other women. There are so many emotions that you feel every day and every month that you can't explain to others.

I have thought about the Atonement this week. What does it do for me. I can see my spirit walking up to the Savior in the garden and telling him everything that was ever going to happen to me. I can't fathom how He could understand what I feel, or how He could possibly have felt all the physical ailments that I do and will experience. I know though that somehow He did and He does. I was able to attend the temple and feel a confirmation of peace. I know that there will be ups and downs, that there will be days that I struggle, but I also know that one day, because of Christ's sacrifice, I will be able to do all that I wish I could do here. I will be able to have a healthy body. I will have children. I will be alright.

Treatment Update: Round One of Letrozole

Just a quick update for all of you. I started taking letrozole and waiting patiently to see if I ovulated. Okay, so maybe I wasn't very patient about it, but who can blame me? Fathers day was coming and I couldn't help but think about what a great Fathers Day gift that would be to my Hubby. He's been such a rock while I ride my wild roller coaster.

We went to St. George while I was supposed to be ovulating. The first morning I took a test and it was positive I was ecstatic! This is the first time I've ovulated since Baby Larsen, so it was a big deal for Joshua and I.  I continued to take them for the next few days and they were all positive. Then all of a sudden my period started and confusion set in. My doctor had told me that there was a chance that home ovulation tests may not work for me.

When we came home from St. George we went to the hospital to have my blood drawn. My doctor wanted to check my progesterone levels to see if I had actually ovulated or not. I just got the results this morning and they indicate that I didn't. So the new plan is to up my dosage of letrozole and then go in for an ultrasound to see if I'm even responding to it.

Even though things didn't go as planned this time around, I still feel confident that things will work. All your prayers are appreciated and felt.

9 Things Not To Say To TTC Women

So this is a little bit of a rant, but hopefully this will be educational for everyone. I'm sure that I've mentioned before that sometimes people say stupid things when you tell them that you're dealing with Infertility. Now, I'm sure that most of these come from a good place, but just as there are things you never say to pregnant women, there are things you should never say to women who are trying to conceive.

1) "You're not pregnant yet?!"

Yes, this was said by someone who is perfectly aware of our situation. I don't think this one really needs any explanation. I classify it under Word Vomit. A more appropriate way to ask about it is saying something like, "How are your treatments going?" or "How was your last doctors appointment?"

2) "I understand. It took us month to get pregnant."

Really? Again, I don't really think that this needs explanation. Instead just say, "I'm sorry that this is so hard for you."

3) "Why don't you just adopt."

Huh...again, Word Vomit category. Adoption is just as, if not possibly more expensive that fertility treatments. It's not like going to the pet store and picking out a puppy. You could try something like, "What other options have you looked into?" or "What other options are there for you?"

4) "Just don't stress about it."

Yes, studies have shown that high stress levels can affect your fertility, but has someone telling you not to stress ever made you not stress? There is so much stress involved in Fertility Treatments that it is nigh unto impossible not to stress about it.

5) "Have you tried such-n-such position?"

Seriously? No... just no.

6) "You'll understand when you have kids of your own."

This is just...demeaning. This statement makes it sound like I have no maternal instincts. Do I know everything about raising children? No. I can see that it is demanding, exhausting and some days you just want to rip your hair out. I also see that it is rewarding in so many ways that I can't even name them.

7) "Does anyone want to take my kid?" or "You can have my kids!"

This is probably the most frustrating thing that people say. Firstly, no, I don't want your kid. I want desperately to have my own. While this statement is innocent enough to you, what women fighting Infertility hear is that you are ungrateful for your children. We hear that you are wishing them away. This is aggravating because we would give anything to be in your position. It's okay if you're having a rough day, but say something like, "I need a break from my kids for a bit."

8) "Oh, you're young! It will happen."

Yes, I am young. Does that mean that this will get easier as I get older? No. If anything it will get more difficult for me to conceive as I get older. People act like when you're young you have all the time in the world to have a baby. The problem with Infertility is that it takes time. It's all about experimentation. We wait to see if a particular treatment will work. We take time to go to the doctor and have invasive procedures done. Time, time, time.

9) "Trying is the fun part!"

To that I will refer you to the picture above.

Sometimes it is hard to relate to the challenges that others have, but we should always strive to be sensitive and kind. Sorry for the angry rant! I just had to get this off my chest.

Remembering our Angel

Today started out just as any other June morning.

The birds were chirping, the sun shining...truly this morning was exquisite. I lay in bed just waking up and then it hit me. Today is June 9, 2015. Today is our Angel Baby's estimated due date. The weight of my emotions collapsed on my chest and made it nearly impossible for me to breath. Part of me wanted to pull the covers back over my head and just let the day pass me by. Of course I knew I couldn't. There's things to do. Today is a day much like any other, but it is also a day that I will never forget. Every year it will pass me by, and there will be a little empty place in my heart.

How quickly nine months comes and goes without us even noticing. I don't really know what to write. I don't have the words to adequately express myself. Somehow, loosing a child makes the colors and sounds around you dull and unappealing. Everything seems to speed forward and leave you behind. I feel a sense of absence, along with a sense of hope. Even though today is going to be full of sadness for me and Joshua, I know that things will get better. Tomorrow I begin some new medication that should help. We are both holding out hope that we will be able to have another baby soon.

To any of you who have lost a child or are still struggling with Infertility, you are in my thoughts and prayers today. I hope that you all will find hope, joy and comfort. Today I find comfort in the Atonement of Christ. I find comfort in the fact that I will have my child restored to me one day. All of our losses will be made up. "...In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

Taking the Next Step

*Just a warning for you readers, this post will involve talk about my menstrual cycle.*

This month has been a little bit of a roller coaster. Not only are finals coming up, but Joshua and I took a leap of faith this month. We decided that I should stop taking my Progesterone. My Doctor had advised us that this was the next step. We needed to see if my body would kick start itself. So I didn't take my Progesterone...and waited...and waited. The whole time we waited I prayed that my body would do something. I didn't care if I was pregnant or not, I just wanted my body to do something...anything! Well...four pregnancy tests later and still no visit from Aunt Flow we are back to the drawing board.

While I'm a little frustrated, I had a thought today about what I prayed throughout this month. I didn't just pray that this little science experiment would go well, I also prayed fervently that I would be able to understand God's plan in all of this. Today Joshua and I were able to have a conversation about this. We came to the conclusion that the Lord must love us immensely. We have been given a great privilege. We have a great opportunity to humble ourselves and become submissive to His will. 

Sometimes we wonder why the Lord doesn't give us the righteous desires of our hearts. We often feel cheated in some way that we asked and didn't receive. What we sometimes forget is that God is literally our Father. He knows better than we do. Like our earthly parents, even though He may want to give us everything we ask for, He knows that we won't learn anything from that. If we got everything we asked for, we wouldn't learn to appreciate what we have. God isn't punishing us, playing favorites or simply ignoring us. He is simply giving us the opportunity to stretch and grow. 

As difficult as this challenge has been, I am grateful that my Heavenly Father loves me enough to allow me to gain some new perspective and grow. I will be starting some new medications after my next cycle. Hopefully this will be a good change. It will be interesting to see how I adjust to the change. 

Pondering God's Plan

Today I've been a little lost in thought. Some of you know that I've been keeping track of the progress our sweet baby would've been making. Whether this is healthy or not I don't know, but I somehow feel bonded to baby Larsen even more by doing this. Baby Larsen's estimated due date is slowly approaching. This week I would've been 31 weeks along. It seems so crazy to me how the time moves along without us even noticing.

I think I have been brought to think about this due to the amount of pregnancies around me. My sister-in-law is pregnant again, two of my cousins are pregnant again and one just had a baby. Now don't get me wrong, I am very happy for all of them and pray for them all and hope that everything goes smoothly for them. For me there is this sense of emptiness that comes from watching others conceive and begin their families. I feel like I am that kid on the playground that never gets picked to play. There are so many things that couples dealing with infertility feel that they miss out on. All the love that they have to share is nearly bursting and they have to try to find other outlets for it. Love is a wonderful thing, but it can also be an extremely painful feeling when there is no way for it to grow.

I go through many moments of frustration. Most days I'm okay, and then I get blindsided by pregnancy announcements or even those cute little suits for babies that you see at the store, and a wave of mixed emotions comes over me. I try to ignore these things as much as I can, or avoid them, but they always somehow find their way into my life. I find myself beginning to ask the question with the most illusive answer...Why? Why can't I have a baby? Why does my body suck? Why do I have to stand by and watch all of these other women get adorably round while I continue to just get fat? I is God punishing me? Why did my baby die before it even really lived? Why?! Why?!?! Why?!?!?!

As I've prayed for the answer to my absolutely ridiculous questions, the answer has come to me. There is no answer. I don't know the answer, nor do I think I ever will know it. I may not know the answer until I'm dead. And you know what? That's okay. I feel very much like Nephi. I know that God loves His children, but I don't know the meaning of all things. I have come up with an answer to something though. God doesn't willfully cause what he allows for His own purposes. God didn't take my baby, but He did allow that little spirit to return to Him. I don't know why and I may never know why. What I do know is that through Christ's atonement all of my losses will be made up. Someday I will have wisdom to share from this experience, and hopefully I can pass God's love on to others in the process.

Update! No one is perfect!

Hello All! Sorry its been so long since I've written. We moved over spring break and finals are coming up!

Well, last time I posted about self love...and today I can honestly tell you all that today I don't like myself. I know more than anyone else in my life how totally imperfect I am. I don't always like myself. Is that okay? Yes.

Its okay because I don't have to love myself all of the time. I don't have to constantly have it together. There's only one person who ever did that and I'm pretty sure none of us will learn his secret until we get to meet him on the other side. While we should love our bodies and accept ourselves, we also need to understand that our self love will ebb and flow. Much like our relationships with others, there will be times when we don't like ourselves. THAT'S OKAY! It's in those moments that you get to take a step back and evaluate where you are and why you aren't where you want to be in your relationship with yourself. We do it with other people, why not with ourselves?

 We may not like ourselves, but we should never forget to love ourselves. When others are feeling down because of something we did, we do all we can to make them feel better and lift them up, but I have noticed that a lot of people (women in particular) ignore themselves when they are upset with themselves. Why? How can you help anyone else if you are unwilling to be accepting of your own imperfections? You can't! Firstly, because you can't teach things that you don't have in your own life, and secondly because if you're not on good terms with yourself no one is going to believe what you have to say anyway.

Your challenge this week is to sit down and take an inventory. What is not in alignment in your life? Is there a part of your relationship with yourself that could be better? Set some goals and take some time for yourself this week. Ten minutes out of the day can really make a difference in how you feel about yourself. Sit and meditate, go for a walk, eat some chocolate cake but do something that you enjoy and pat yourself on the back. You're all doing better than you think you are.

Body Image and Self-Love

I had an interesting encounter yesterday. I had put forth the effort to put myself together for the day. I had put on my makeup, even had a little bit of blush and gloss on. I went to class and the girl that sat next to me turned to me and said "Wow! Your makeup is always so beautiful...mine always sucks!" My heart just sank. Firstly, if you actually found the motivation to put a fair amount of makeup on, props to you. What she said made me think though about self-love. Why is it that we don't just love ourselves? Why can't we just see that we are awesome? Contrary to what we are shown in the media, by society and by our own insecurities, looks are not everything. So what if you're freckles cover your whole face? So what if you've got a double chin? So what if you don't look the way you did in high school or college?

Lets just take a minute and look at our selves in the mirror. Seriously, go find a mirror and look in it. What do you see? While you think about it, let me tell you what I see. When I look at my face I see acne, moles, facial hair that I can't get rid of and red splotches. I see a short girl who's overweight, has a flat butt, is top heavy and has a very round belly covered by stretch marks. You know what else I see? I also see battle scars that I got from my skin trying to contain pure awesomeness. I see big brown eyes that can see when others need help. I see a smile that is bright. I see uniqueness. I see Me. No one is perfect. No one expects you to be perfect. The only one who has the unrealistic expectations of yourself is YOU. No matter what stage of life you're in, we all feel insecure about ourselves. We all have times when we wish we could change something about ourselves. I'm gonna tell you something though...ready? IT'S OKAY!!

I'm gonna direct these next few comments to the mothers reading this. Moms, if you don't love yourself how can you expect your kids to love themselves? If you are constantly trying to cover yourself up, fix this and fix that, whether you do it out loud or in private, your children will notice. Kids aren't dumb.  If you want your children to be confident and accepting of themselves you need to show them what that looks like. Let your kids see you without makeup on. Let them see you in your PJ's with messy hair. Let them see you on the days when you aren't at 100% (which if your not Barbie, is everyday). If you show them that you can love yourself through every up and down of life, they will learn to do the same thing. Don't just tell your girls how pretty they look or your boys how strong they are or handsome, but tell them how smart they are, how kind they are, how funny they are. Show them and tell them that they have more to offer this world than just looking nice. I'm sorry, but looking nice and being attractive really never changed the world.

Now, this goes for everyone. We all do this either out loud or in our head. If you have a bad thought about someones appearance, keep your mouth shut and put it out of your mind. It's not going to make you feel any better about yourself. You can't say "at least I'm (whatever) than her/him," and feel good about yourself. It will eat away at your spirit. You may be physically attractive but your insides are nasty looking. Think about that before you say something. Before I say something about someone else I think about how it would look if I had to wear it on the outside. If I would be embarrassed to wear something that I said to or about someone or myself, then I probably shouldn't be saying it.

Here is a challenge for you readers this week. Everyday find something that you like about yourself. Write it down. Give a random stranger a complement everyday. It will make their day. Cut yourself some slack. Spend some quality time with yourself and people who lift you up. Give yourself a pat on the shoulder. You're doing better than you think you are.

Update! Recent Doctors Appointement

Hi guys! It's been a while since I updated this, but I thought I should today. So most of you know that I have been seeing an Endocrinologist for the last six or seven months. The last appointment that I had with her she prescribed me some new medication. So I had a followup appointment with her this last week, just to see how everything was going. Since my last visit with her I've lost ten pounds (for those of you who have PCOS you know this is a BIG deal). I have also been able to get my moods under control with the help of some Prozac. My doctor also discussed some different treatment options for me to think about that might be more effective. While I won't be changing my treatment plan anytime soon, I thought I would share with you guys a little bit about what my daily routine is like as far as treatments go.

So first off, pills. There's quite a few of them. I take Metformin, which is an insulin medication, everyday with breakfast along with a multivitamin and a B complex. Now, this medication has probably been the most effective as far as helping me to be able to eat better. My cravings without it are out of control. If I don't eat enough during the day they still come, so it's very important for me to snack so that I don't become an ugly, hangry monster (Joshua has seen me like this and it is a little frightening). Then at night I take my Prozac, which is suppose to help me sleep. It does make me tired, but I've had Insomnia for a long time and it really doesn't help with that. I also have a progesterone medication that I take for 12 days at the beginning of the month.

Why am I not changing to something that might work better? Because I believe that the human body is amazing. I want to be able to give my body the chance to quick itself into gear. As I've changed my diet and exercise routines I've noticed a huge difference in the way that I feel, and how my body functions. So, while these other treatments might work better, I want to see if my body with do what it's suppose to on its own. I also just got used to my meds and, quite frankly, I'm not in the mood to try to get used to something else right now. When you struggle with PCOS, infertility, or any type of disease for that matter, every step can be exhausting. It feels like you're climbing a mountain. Sometimes it seems like you get to the top, but then the next cliff you have to climb over seems even more expensive and time consuming. Not only that, but there are a lot of side effects to medication. While modern medicine can be a blessing, I also think that we can trust our bodies to do what they need to. I'm hoping that as I show my body that I love it, instead of being angry with it all the time, we will be able to understand one another.

Here's a challenge for all of you this week. Find something about your body that you love. All of us have something that we like. Be kind to yourself this week and listen to your body. What is it telling you? Do you need to slow down? Do you need to get off the couch and do more? Choose to eat that salad instead of a burger. Make it a point to let your body know that you appreciate all the hard work that it does for you. Thanks for reading guys! Have a great week!

Thank You!!!

Hello everyone! Sorry it's been so long since I've posted anything. I hope you all had an enjoyable holiday season. Today I just want to take a minute to say "thank you".

Its impossible for me to name everyone who has reached out in love to Joshua and I, but want you all to know that it was noticed. We feel so blessed to have the family and friends that we do.  Every text of support, every time we are asked how things are going, or anytime you have shown us compassion has not gone unnoticed. We love you. Thank you for all that you do for us. Your friendship and support has lifted us at the times when we needed it the most. None of you will ever know what an impact you have made on our lives, and I don't have the words to express it. I just hope you all know that we are thankful. We have felt all of your prayers and thoughts as we've shared this journey with you. Thank you for all that you do. We love you all.